Personal Journey

Personal stories of events in my life that contributed to my understanding of working with Spirit.

Elder Care with Dementia*

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Dementia robs quality of life as the brain’s synapses disintegrate.

Dementia is a soul sucking experience. It taxes you to the depths of your being forever altering how you approach relationships and live your life.

Several years ago I moved in with my Dad. He was 86, becoming forgetful, and behaving differently. It was apparent he needed help. This part of life’s journey was challenging for us both until his death at 93. We did the best that we could.

Coping with the physical changes is manageable, but the mental and emotional rollercoaster as the person with dementia and as a caretaker can, at times, be catastrophic!

As a caretaker your best coping tools for self-care are to:

  • Give yourself the gifts of patience and grace
  • Accept that there will be many things outside of your control and that you can’t do it all
  • Take breaks and accept offered help as appropriate
  • Know there will be an inevitable end to the situation

The person with dementia is under way more stress than you are for in the beginning phases they are aware they are declining. They are terrified and their emotions are all over the place. They will be battling such ideas that their body has failed them, the fears about what will happen to them if you are not there, guilt over putting their loved ones through this terrible situation, their inability to be in control of decision making over themself, and much much more.

As a caretaker, you too will go through extensive mental challenges. At first, if you’ve not experienced this before, you will experience frustration. Frustration with trying to do the right thing and not sure you are; not understanding that your person with dementia is not the same person they were; and feeling extremely isolated with just you and your loved one in a vacuum. The perception of isolation is real though not necessarily the reality. Most of the time family want to help, but are not sure how to go about it. Remember everyone is facing dementia when a family member is diagnosed.

Give the person with dementia the gifts of patience and grace extended through LOVE. In the end, love is what will help you both through this extreme situation. Remember life in this corporeal existence is not the end. When we die that is the beginning.

*Sharing our emotional and mental challenges with the hope this helps you cope if/when you find yourself in similar circumstances.

Spirit Working in My Life

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Part of My Story

My beautiful Grandma

My Grandma was living with us at the time she died.

As usual, I arrived home from high school and the daycare lady left. As my younger siblings were still at school and both of my parents worked, I would care for Grandma until the rest of the family arrived home for the day. I would be preparing dinner or doing homework and intermittently check on Grandma as she rested in her bed. The second time I checked on her there was something wrong. I urgently telephoned my Mom and then dialed 911.

Firemen attended Grandma while I stood at the foot of the bed. There was an oxygen mask in place and the oxygen hissed unused into the room. The young Fireman asked the Fire Chief, “Should I turn off the oxygen?” The Fire Chief shook his head slightly and tilted his chin in my direction. The young Fireman flushed dropping his head slightly.

At the time I was unaware of what that meant. I stood there, holding the foot board. The atmosphere began to feel lighter and dense at the same time, almost like a cocooning, I felt hands on my shoulders and heard a woman’s voice near my right ear say, “Everything is fine. Everything will be okay.” I was now calm and let go of my worries.

I felt the hands fall away. I turned thinking it was my Mom, but no one was there. I stepped into the hallway to see where she went, but, again, no one was there. I hurried down the hallway towards the living room and heard running footsteps coming up the front walk. There was my Mom, rushing into the house! Those hands had been my Grandmother’s. She had calmly reassured me with a quiet certainty of the outcome.